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Your guide to couples therapy intake questions (with examples)

When working with new couples therapy clients, there are unique questions you want to ask to better understand their needs. We want to help you start off on the right foot.

Ryan DeCook
Ryan DeCook, LCSWTherapist

The initial intake session with a couple sets the tone for the entire therapeutic journey. In the first session, therapists must strike a balance between building rapport and gathering a clinical picture of the couple. 

To help you achieve these goals during the first appointment, ask clinically-minded questions that feel supportive at the same time. These questions will help you build connections with couples and elicit useful information. Every couple is unique and well-crafted questions can help uncover the real story of their relationship. 

For those looking for general suggestions on conducting an intake appointment, Headway provides guidance on how to conduct a successful intake session.

Questions about relationship history and background

History is a great place to start with a couple. Have them share the background of where they met, how long they have been together, their living situation, and previous relationship experiences. It provides important information for you as the therapist and gives the couple an easier on-ramp to start discussing the relationship.  


Examples of historical and background questions:

  • Where and when did you meet?
  • What qualities did you see in each other that caused you to start a relationship? 
  • How long have you been together?
  • Have there been any periods of separation or have you been together the entire relationship?
  • What is your current living situation?
  • What major milestones or events in the relationship have shaped your relationship up to this point?
  • What were relationships like for each of you growing up and how do you think that influences your current relationship? 

Questions to dig deeper on motivations for therapy

Once some of the background has been established, it is helpful to explore the couple’s core motivation for therapy. Ask questions about their reasons for coming to therapy to deepen your understanding of the clients and start framing the direction of the treatment plan.  


Examples of goals and motivation questions:

  • What caused you two to reach out for therapy?
  • What are the biggest challenges in your relationship that you would like to work on?
  • What are the strengths in your relationship to be building upon?
  • How do each of you feel about reaching out for therapy and starting to work on the relationship?
  • What do you think will help you to get where you want to be in your relationship?

Questions to identify communication and conflict patterns

The next stage of intake questions focuses on the couple’s day-to-day dynamics. Thoughtful questions can reveal more specifics about the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship, particularly in areas like conflict and communication. 


Examples of communication and conflict questions:

  • How do you communicate with one another on a typical day?
  • What are the most common topics of conflict in your relationship?
  • What happens in your communication when conflict arises?
  • How do you typically try to deal with or resolve conflict? How effective are those approaches?
  • Are you able to receive influence and input from one another?
  • How well does each of you feel understood and believe you understand your partner?

Questions to learn about intimacy and relationship dynamics

After identifying communication patterns, it is equally important to understand the couple’s emotional and physical connection. 


Examples of relationship dynamic questions:

  • How much do you feel like a team?
  • How would you describe the physical intimacy in your relationship?
  • When you feel disconnected from your partner, how do you typically respond?  Do you move toward them, away from them, or against them?
  • How well are you able to be emotionally present for one another?  How do you know when you’re being supported?
  • When you share something important, how well do you feel valued and understood?

Questions to learn about future relationship goals

The final section of questions in the intake appointment relates to understanding what the couple hopes for when they look ahead. It can be informative and motivating for the couple to finish with reviewing their aspirations for the future. 


Examples of questions about relationship goals:  

  • What do you dream about for the future of your lives together?
  • Are there core values that you share and want to build upon?
  • If you finished therapy and felt happy about the results, what would be different about your relationship?
  • What do you think would happen for your relationship in the future if you worked through the current challenges?

How to structure your couples therapy intake session

The intake session is often a deeply personal and emotional experience for a couple.  Center the structure of the intake session around your goal of helping your clients to feel understood and validated, while also gathering enough information to have a good conceptualization and start crafting a treatment plan.  

Ask open-ended questions and leave enough time in case certain answers become a bit long-winded. It’s also a good idea to have a template or list of questions that you want to get through during the session. You can also incorporate certain assessment tools (such as Gottman, Prepare/Enrich, Marital Satisfaction Inventory, and Dyadic Adjustment Scale) as part of the interview structure. Throughout the session, keep an internal clock to monitor the amount of time you have to get through each section of questions.

As the session wraps up, make sure you document the session into an intake note and a treatment plan.

Tips for managing the individual and collective narrative 

Managing an intake session with a couple presents unique challenges as there are often two distinct perspectives within the relationship. As the therapist, you need to ensure that each partner feels heard and understood. At times this may require stopping a more talkative or dominant partner and prompting thoughts from the other partner. It is important to intentionally seek responses from both partners to create an equally weighted picture of the relationship. 

If conflict arises in the first session, it can be useful to allow and observe some amount of it.  However, it is essential to still maintain boundaries around time and reassure the couple that those points of conflict can be returned to in later sessions.

Build your best practice with Headway.

The couples therapy intake can be a daunting challenge, but presents an incredible opportunity to build rapport, gather clinical information, and set the course of therapy on a healthy trajectory. For more support in building your best practice, join Headway’s network of providers.

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